My life is falling apart!

I just found a thin, long, brown strand of hair in my Smucker's Strawberry Preserves. I did not lend the jelly to anyone, and no one in my family has brown hair.

Just called customer service, but apparently, at Smucker's HQ, it's Oct. 13th.

• srsly, what's happening to me!
• am i becoming a pessimist?
• should I throw the jelly away?